Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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