Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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