We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
