Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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