good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
