i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
