Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
