Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
