KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
