I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
