Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
