He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
