Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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