jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You work out of a Hotel?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
