Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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