i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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