the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
