i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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