Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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