He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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