I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
