i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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