Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
