I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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