So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
