i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
