She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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