Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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