a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
