he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
