so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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