I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
