We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
