I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
