Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
