How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
