i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
