I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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