So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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