I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
