Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
