SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
