yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
