My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
