is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
