i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
