I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
