yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
