I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
