So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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