How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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