My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
