I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
