I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
