3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
