If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will be naked everywhere
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
