i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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