So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
50% drunk capacity currently
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
