also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
