she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
